guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
