I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
