I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
