I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
