I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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