Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
