He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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