the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
