If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize