what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize