I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
