Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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