Having a random hookup so left but love u
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
