Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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