"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
