Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
