i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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