so explain again why im purple
no
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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