my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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