ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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