trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize