I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
