Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
