Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
