Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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