There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
