Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
