He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i now understand why vodka
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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