Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
