There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize