I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
