I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
