Soap is not a condiment
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
