I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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