shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is wine microwaveable?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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