So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
