You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In America we eat man semen.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
