so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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