i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
