I need help removing her.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize