For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
