listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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