I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
