I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
