Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
