Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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