There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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