Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
