What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
