doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
