The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
