this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
