I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
