i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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