I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
