Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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