i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
