the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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