And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
