How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think my fart just growled at me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
