You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize