I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
