im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
