i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
