Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
