Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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