i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
