About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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