So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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