i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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