My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
