Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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