All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
