Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
