i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
