It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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