Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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