Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that

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(647): View more from Ontario

They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

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(937): View more from Ohio

There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.

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(216): View more from Ohio

another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.

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(407): View more from Florida

Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes

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