3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
